Long Distance International Relationships Can Work-See How

I would not attempt to present this article as the perfect guide for international relationships, but from my very own experience I would try to shed some light on the subject and hopefully provide you with some basics. Without any further protocol, here you have some points worth checking before making a move:

· Being in a relationship of any kind requires solid foundation: Let`s make it clear: If you want a relationship to be successful you must have a significant motivation to engage in it. Flirting, one nightstands, getting even with your partner and other hollow reasons like these will not establish a solid foundation and the end is written at the very beginning.Have a heartfelt motivation to commence a relationship.

· Be open and straightforward from the start: Relationships are difficult enough among people of the same country; international relationships have a great deal of codes, customs and habits we may or may not agree with. Being sincere and saying what you feel in a respectful manner is an indication that you are serious about it. Do not lie or make up stories about yourself that aren`t real just for the sake of impressing your new found friend. Be transparent.

· Refrain from asking private or intimate questions too soon: This point is very crucial, sensitive and extremely important. Focus your questions around social customs,friendship, likes and dislikes, eating habits, level of importance in family relationships. You need to know what kind of territory you are stepping on. A delicate question at the wrong time not only leaves a bad impression, it may scare away the person for good.

· Never compare idiosyncrasies in a pejorative manner: Every person loves his/her own culture and having an individual criticize or depreciate it or see it as something inferior is offensive and will not betaken lightly by anyone. This is the 21^st century, women and men are equal and have the same rights, that archaic “macho” attitude is out of bounds. Also that feminine “Leave-me-alone -I-can-do-it–all-by-myself” attitude is not appropriate either. There must be a middle ground. People want you to appreciate and understand their culture not to degrade it.

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· Take your time to get to know each other: Being impressionable has never been a good trait. You are bound to make the wrong choices based on superficial information. Remember that you are being serious about this potential relationship, so the more you know the less likely you are to make a mistake.Take the time to know more about the things you do not like first. They will be easier to accept and understand.Spend quality time enhancing the things you do like about the person, and allow him/her to do the same.

· Distance being an issue: Do not fool yourself, as romantic as it may seem over the net, distance is a major setback. As time progresses and you both begin to grow fond of each other the kinesthetic necessity increases as well. Nevertheless, web-cam communications can lessen to a certain degree that craving, and if you are still determined to carry on with that relationship, talk it over with your friend. Be realistic though, If she lives in Western China and you live in New Scotland, it does not look promising, does it? So no matter how great a crush you have on your friend if distance is as far apart as I mentioned before, you both have to face the fact that money takes on a major role, and you both must be willing to do some investment for things to work out well.

· Should you get together: Once all the obstacles have been overcome and you finally get to meet personally try not to be too overwhelming in your behavior. It is time to show that the reason why you got together is very consistent with the virtual relationship you had so far. Avoid discussions at any cost, do not become overly possessive. Show that you can be yourself and so can your friend. Lots of relationship that got this far collapse during the first meeting because of inappropriate behavior. Keep your cool! She/he is there with you to begin with. That must mean something, don`t you think?

· Watch out for religious issues: This is another critical point. If you are both light believers, there may be no problems at all. On the other hand, if one of you or both have strong beliefs,there must be an agreement of mutual respect, and never ever mock at each other`s faith. I mean that! It could end up being a very unpleasant experience.Try very hard to keep away from this topic or anything related to it.

Some last words of recommendation:

Define your motives, if you are better off with a fellow countryman, do not engage in practices that could cause more harm than good. Do not get involved for sexual reasons only. If that is what you are looking for, say it upfront and enjoy it while it lasts.Treat the money issue with utmost care. Sad as it may sound, money scam case shave hurt lots of people over the net, not to mention the sentimental wounds. Those who use net dating services(paid or free)that provide internet brides, have somehow a guarantee from that company(although not always works!), but if you are on your own ,watch out for lines such as: “My mother is sick” “ I wish I had more money to call you more often” “Ah! If you came here it would be so different!” “Can I buy my plane ticket through you? Here is so expensive. I`ll pay you back as soon as I get there”.

Remember: These are not “bullet-proof”advices. There are some that may work with you as others may not. These are suggestions based on my very personal experience and some other friends` who went through similar situations. It is not intended to be an infallible guide of any sort.

Cheers,

To your Success!