Sex or Love? Love without sex? Sex without love?

Hunnybunny783 posted a series of questions at the gender & relationships forum. I picked a couple of them because they are related and I found them worthy of being discussed.They are Love and Sex.

I believe the best approach is to start with a definition of each term separately. I shall commence by the most mundane: Sex.

Sex

“Vaginal sexual intercourse, also called coitus, is the human form of copulation. While its natural purpose and result is reproduction, it is often performed entirely for pleasure and/or as an expression of love and emotional intimacy.

Sexual intercourse typically plays a powerful bonding role; in many societies it is normal for couples to have frequent intercourse while using birth control,sharingpleasure and strengthening their emotional bond through sex even though they are deliberately avoiding pregnancy.“

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sex becomes mundane when obsessive, nymphomaniac or narcissistic behaviors are the driving force. There is no doubt that sex can be very pleasurable either heterosexual or homosexual. My point here is not to judge sexual preferences, but to analyze to what extent it can be harmful when it is overly performed.

An addiction to sex can be as deteriorating as alcoholism or drug addiction. Why?

Because the driving force has no other purpose than mere pleasure or escapism.

Apart from prostitution or enforcement of power domination through sex, indiscriminate sex for the sake of sex itself can be draining spiritually and lead astray the true purpose of living.

A male or a female who constantly seeks having intercourse or other forms of sexual pleasure with the same partner, or worse, promiscuously, has lost the sense of purpose. Even within the animal kingdom, sex is aimed at reproduction

for the perpetuation of the species and only during mating season.

Sex becomes truly meaningful when love is bonded to that sacred act. I am not talking about self-righteousness here, my friends. Males tend to experiment sexual pleasure with any woman if the time and environment is adequate, whereas women, in their vast majority, need to feel an honest attraction and experiment true feelings before they commit themselves to have intercourse.

So, Hunnybunny783, your friend “Peggy” is suffering from low self-esteem. She needs to begin to care much more for herself, love herself more and understand that sex is not the reason why we are here on this planet. She may take on any constructive endeavor, something that will help her find her own true values as a human being.

Nonetheless, the only thing you can do for her is to support her emotionally and try to get her engaged into a constructive activity. Never force her. She must be persuaded, not fooled. She has to take onto that behavior on her own accord; otherwise, she will fail miserably over and over again.

My thoughts on you

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Love

“Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.  As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.”          

                                                             From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

When people fail once or repeatedly in relationships, the very first thought is that love is overrated,that it is a myth and probably there isn’t any real love anywhere. You must dissect this concept.

If you mean human love as an attraction between two beings who share common preferences, enjoy each other`s company and feel some kind of dependency, sexual intercourse included or not, It does exist! If by love you mean a broader sense of feeling, caring, protectiveness and admiration, known as universal love, it also exists.

For both types of love there are conditions that must be respected if it is to last and grow. People love out of spontaneity. True love is never imposed! Love is bound to several virtues that without them it loses its genuine condition. Trust,respect, individuality, times to be alone with yourself, appreciation of the partner’s likes, regardless of disliking them personally, admiration for the partner’s achievements as if they were your own.

This applies to human or universal love. True love is complex because it implies accepting a friend or a companion regardless of race, skin color, religious belief and status quo, and education level, recent or distant past and financial condition.

To be able to truly love and be loved, you have to begin by accepting yourself, by loving yourself, by considering yourself worthy of all the good things there are because this is a universal truth. What makes you lose or maintain that right? Choice. When you choose, you must accept the consequences and responsibilities of your choice. Blaming others is a comfortable position to avoid facing your own mistakes.

So to wrap it up, you can conclude that:

· Love without sex is possible and true. Is that what you are after?

· Sex without love is more commonplace than people may think. Is that what you wish to find?

· There is a difference between having sex and making love. Do you want a crazy sex night ora lasting feeling channeled through love making?

· When you feel heart-broken or have gotten hurt, is your partner to blame, or was your choice in a hurry which got you into trouble?

· All relationships face risks, just like businesses, travels, experiments. If you keep yourself inside of your “protective bubble”, nothing will ever happen. Good or bad, and you will not grow as a human being.

· To find truelove, learn to let things flow. If you chase it, you’ll never find the real thing. Enjoy the experiences as they come. Disregard them if they seem harmful,otherwise, just let them take their natural course.

· Learn to be detached. Your partner is an individual. It isn’t your property!

Ifyou are overly possessive, you will not last enough to get to know the person.

· Apart from avoiding a potential venereal disease or other sexually related infections, do not let the spur of the moment cloud your judgment, you may regret it later.

· You want love,honest and loving intercourse, true friendship, companionship? Give first! Give without second intentions and I promise you shall be rewarded with equal or much better feelings than the ones you have freely and spontaneously given away.

I hope this clarifies a bit your questions and helps others not so daring to ask for themselves.

To your Success,

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,

Al

Copyright ©Alberto J.Alvarez G.®2010

Copyright ©Mystique®2010